Beyond Selidor

I'm in the process of sorting through all my old stuff. My mother has kept everything I've ever done since the age of three, and there just isn't room any more. So today I went through this massive folder of pictures and stories, mainly from the ages of three to seven. I've often thought I was a most singular child, but this folder has confirmed it. I'm going to share several of the most bizarre items with you.

Aside from the hundreds of drawings of the characters of Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, The Little Mermaid and Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, there are some absolutely hilarious stories. Although they lose something in the translation, here they are. Enjoy! (I'm leaving the original spelling and grammar untouched. It's better that way.)

(My personal favourite). Here We Go Again
"Once upon a time there was a dinosaur called Tanya her friends at boading school were Katy and Stegy. Their school was very strict they had to do everything the right way. Tanya and her friends sometimes got very frightened for if they did the rong thing they would get the cane. It was a stick. If they did something really rong they would get an elextrikc shock Bite. It was a bite from tyirown the teacer. (Speech bubbles saying "Aaah!!" "Go away" "You have been bad but..." "Oh Aaah" "grrr it's your fault")
"Tyirown the teacher was in a bad mood. His coffee had spilt he had lost his rubber and Maria Mutterburrersaurus had drawn on the wall with red pen. He had not the energy to give the electrick shock Bite or the cane. Stegy shock with fear katy closed her eyes and put her hands over her eyes and tanya fainted. (Tyirown shown going "grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!")
"Tyirown the teacher came out everybody ran and hid but baby steg-steg could not find a hiding place. Tyirown the teacher hurled him hed landed on the balkoney and scraped his leg katy said "let's save him" "no" said stegy and tanya "Tyirown might see us" they said but katy walk off and got him."
The back of the book had a blurb ("Meet the gang of 3 look out, oh, oh, something might happen") and an approximation at a library barcode.

Veronica's Ballet Book (with writing by my mother)
"Veronica's hungry. This is a biscuit.
"Ripped her dress. Please help her to dance.
"Fallen off the stage.
"She's coughing.
"I've fallen over. Poor Veronica. (sign saying "Someone has fallen over. Please help her to dance.")
"Can't dance.
"She's lost a shoe."
The melodramatic tragedy of it is...disturbing.

The Pony That Turned Into a Sparkle
"There was once a pony that liked sparklers and fireworks.
"One day it went into its castle.
"And there it went under a rainbow.
"It also got put into a love heart. When it came out it turned into a sparkle.
"And it flew around a spotted mat."

And the very melodramatic, self-righteous Shary Saves The Earth, which could only have been written by a child growing up in the '90s.
"Shary wanted to save the earth but people would just not listen to her. She gave talks on how to plant more trees and how trees help us breathe and th esun would explode someday. Even when she told them that 'if you don't wear hats and sunscream you would get burnt' they still wouldn't listen!
"The only people who believed her were her sister Eucare, her friend Shri, her Mum and her Dad. Eucare tried to plant more trees but Jillien, Emma, Ann, Alexandra and Jenny pulled them up. Shri helped Shary with her talks.
"Eucare's friends Baducare and Maree helped her. One night, Shary stayed at Eucare's trees. The mean girls came.
"Shary and Eucare lept from hidding, the mean girls cried 'I'm sorry Shary!' Soon everyone liked and believed Shary."


Then we have some truly idiosyncratic entries in my writing journal, circa 1991-92.
"Comet's Tail. Today I went to Emma's house. Karina came over too. Then a storm came. We saw lightening and herd thuder too. Emma said that a comet was coming. I said that there is a snowball in the tail as big as a city. We all saw the garden move and we felt the house move."

and the determined "I am getting a unicorn for my birthday."

and "I am in Year 1. I like to read."

From the Department of "Huh?"
(A drawing of a dragon-headed Viking ship accompanies this little piece of melodrama.)
"Darling Wolfgang,
What is the sea like? How can you live without me? How can you stay away from me, where you might die? Please come home.
Your loving,
Daphne

Oh my Daphne,
You know before we got married I had to go out and find some honour. So after the raid I will never go away again. The sea is lonely. When I return I will marry you. I miss you,
Wolfgang"

Then there's a letter to the Tooth Fairy:
"Dear tooth fairy I would like $2 20c for my tooth could you write yes or no in the square there is a black pen to write with love from Veronica (surname) P.S. Write your name too." And in the square, in tiny writing, "Yes Pansy". I believed in the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus until one tragic Christmas, when I suddenly asked my mum, and she admitted the truth. I then cried for about three hours. Looking back on it, that sense of horror at losing every scrap of innocence is kind of typical of my childhood.

Then there's my positive-negative shadow picture (half on black paper in white crayon, the other on white paper, its mirror image, in black crayon:
A picture of a grave stone, with a ghost rising, moaning "I caaaaaaaan't reeeeeest. Heeeeeelllllllp Meeeeeee!" and a girl hiding behind a tree. Truly, I was a peculiar, morbid child.

Finally, something that's so beautiful it makes my heart go all constricted.

A diary entry, from when I was about five.
"We can save our world by not doing rough things."

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to weep at childhood lost....

I am loving this misheard lyrics clip which matches Nightwish's Wishmaster with images from Disney/Pixar films.