Beyond Selidor

It's that time of year again.


1. What did you do in 2017 that you'd never done before?
Get married! Deal with all the associated logistics of planning a wedding (I'm so glad I never have to do that again). Travel to Poland, Iceland, Hungary, Austria and the Czech Republic (honestly, 2017 was a year of so much travel for me).

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My resolutions for 2017 were to carve out spaces of safety, kindness, empathy and beauty where I can, to draw my own personal lines in the sand, and hold to them, to support and live and love with integrity, and to remember, always, that love, love is a verb, love is a doing word.

To remain until the lights go out.

I'd like to think I did my best at this.

Those resolutions seem good enough to carry through to next year. I also have a few more specific goals with regard to writing for pleasure, as well as my professional life, but I prefer to keep public resolutions less concrete.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I'm in my early 30s, and most of my friends are around the same age. It's prime baby-having time, and a huge number of my friends, all around the world, gave birth this year. I love babies, and it's wonderful to follow these new children as they learn, grow, and experience the world for the first time.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year.

5. What countries did you visit?
2017 was almost like a farewell tour of the EU and EEA. I went to Poland, Iceland, Ireland, Hungary, Austria, the Czech Republic, and Germany.

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?
One of the most confronting things about recent years is how much hope and good fortune I have for myself and the small things I can control, and how much despair I have for the wider world. My own immediate material circumstances have been improving sharply since 2015, and it's been horrifying to watch the reverse happen outside my own life.

What I want for 2018 is what I wanted for 2017: hope for the future. It's hard to have that when you have even a small amount of knowledge of world history, enough to see the world around you simultaneously repeating the 1930s in Europe and the dying days of Moorish Spain.

7. What date from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
It could only be 5th August. Our wedding was wonderful: everything I could have wished for, every detail exactly as I had planned, and, most pleasing for me, seemed to bring all our guests as much joy as it brought me and Matthias. I'm so glad that it was that much fun.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Like 2016, 2017 was a year of great personal and professional success. Matthias got a new, permanent job, as well as his British citizenship. Both these things did a lot to make me feel more secure in our life here together in Britain. Matthias was also part of the team that made Stephen Hawking's PhD thesis open access (which, when announced, managed to break the internet - impact most library/information professionals can only dream of!). For my part, I had quite a successful year at work: presented at my first library conference and got accepted to present at two others in 2018, coauthored four systematic reviews (none of which are published yet, but one is soon to be so), and created a systematic reviews resource which was my library's most referenced, retweeted and successful piece of outreach.


9. What was your biggest failure?
I was going to say that letting the state of the world frighten and wear me down was my biggest failure, but honestly, you'd have to have a heart of stone not to be frightened and worn down by all the horrors everywhere.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
A lot of colds, headaches, and the usual bruises from bumping into doorframes and furniture.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The various costs associated with our wedding: the cake and flowers, my dress and jewellery, and venue and food. Above all things, I am so happy to have paid for wedding invitations with art and calligraphy done by the amazing, HUGO NOMINATED Likhain. The costs associated with our honeymoon in Budapest, Vienna and Prague were also well worth it!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Again, those who helped with the wedding loom large here: my parents and in-laws, and various other relatives for their generosity and support in helping with the wedding, my wonderful bridesmaids (Matthias' sister, my sister, and my beloved sister-by-choice thelxiepia), and everyone else who was there to make that day so memorable.

Matthias, for his love, belief and support, for making me a braver person. My mother, for her continued material and emotional support. Friends, near and far, online and off, for everything.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
The obvious answer is the politicians of my country of origin, current country of residence, and all around the world. I'm also furious at their enablers: the voters who gave them power, the tabloid press who act as their cheer squad, and those, ostensibly on 'my side' for whom compromise is more poisonous than survival.

I have to also say that as a migrant who had to repeatedly apply for expensive and complicated visas, and who still has anxiety every time I have to deal with border guards, the fact that so many Britons were jubilant to throw away their free movement rights like garbage was incredibly upsetting and painful to witness.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, bills, and wedding costs.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The wedding, the honeymoon, and my trip to Iceland.

16. What song will always remind you of 2017?
'Tonight We Burn Like Stars That Never Die' - Hammock, 'Intro (Hurry Up We're Dreaming)' - M83, 'Realiti' - Grimes, and 'I Love You More Than You Love Yourself' - Austra.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Happier for myself, sadder for the world.
ii. thinner or fatter? Probably about the same.
iii. richer or poorer? Slightly better off.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Exercise other than running - I'd really liked to have got back into yoga in 2017, but it didn't happen.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Feeling furious and terrified every time I read my Twitter feed.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
I was in Germany with my in-laws this year. We had Christmas Eve dinner at my sister- and brother-in-laws' place, where presents were also distributed, and spent Christmas Day reading at my parents-in-law's house before having their traditional cold seafood dinner. This year I cooked the Christmas Eve dinner, which did a huge amount to calm the levels of stress I generally feel at any Christmas event not involving my maternal family.

22. Did you fall in love in 2017?
I fell more in love with Matthias, and with our life together.

23. Did your heart break in 2017?
Yes, on 28th March.

24. What was your favourite TV program?
My favourite new program was Big Little Lies. My favourite returning show (which, in its fourth season saw a great return to form after a disappointing third season) was Peaky Blinders.

25. Where were you when 2017 began?
At my friends' house in Cambridge.

26. Who were you with?
Matthias, ienthuse, her husband E, former housemate D, and our other friends P and V.

27. Where will you be when 2017 ends?
At P and V's house again.

28. Who will you be with when 2017 ends?
Other than D, the same people as last year.

29. What was the best book you read?
I did a big Twitter thread about this yesterday. There were some absolute stand outs, though.

For hope: The House of Binding Thorns - Aliette de Bodard
For courage: A Torch Against the Night - Sabaa Tahir, and The Song Rising - Samantha Shannon
For feeling seen and represented: Buried Heart - Kate Elliott
For returning home: La Belle Sauvage - Philip Pullman
For sheer inventive, dazzling, dizzying worldbuilding, storytelling and thematic content: Too Like the Lightning - Ada Palmer

30. What was your greatest musical discovery?
2017 was the year that I rediscovered a lot of artists who'd been hovering at the edge of my awareness: standouts would probably be Austra, Grimes, and Cut Copy. Like everyone else watching Eurovision this year, I was also absolutely blown away by Ukrainian electrofolk interval act Onuka.

31. What did you want and get?
Matthias to get British citizenship. To get married. Marriage equality in Australia.

32. What did you want and not get?
To stop Brexit. For Australia to stop violating the human rights of refugees.

33. What was your favourite film of this year?
Thor: Ragnarok (Taika Waititi has my heart and undying loyalty), closely followed by The Last Jedi.

34. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Matthias took me out to dinner at one of our favourite restaurants. I was thirty-three.

35. How many different states/cities did you travel to in 2017?
I didn't do much travelling within the UK this year - I think I only went to Ely and London. In Poland I went to Poznan, in Iceland I was mostly in Reykjavik, in Ireland I was in Dublin, in Hungary I was in Budapest, in Austria I was in Vienna, in the Czech Republic I was in Prague, and in Germany I was in Vlotho.

36. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?
Animal prints and nebulae.

37. What kept you sane?
Small acts of kindness and bravery. Love. Friendship. Songs. Stories.

38. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
TAIKA WAITITI. *hearteyes*

39. What political issue stirred you the most?
In the UK, Brexit and xenophobia. In Australia, the marriage equality postal survey, and Australia's shameful treatment of refugees. Elsewhere... *gestures hopelessly at the whole world*

40. How many concerts did you see in 2017?
Three - Austra, Goldfrapp, and Alison Moyet.

41. Did you have a favourite concert in 2017?
Austra was probably my favourite.

42. Who was the best new person you met?
I met a lot of wonderful new people online, mainly through Twitter book fandom discussion.

43. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
No.

44. What was your most embarrassing moment of 2017?
I'm not easily embarrassed.

45. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017.
Kindness, not fear.

46. What are your plans for 2018?
Learn. Build. Give. Hope. Love.

47. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

For despair, 'Atlas Air' by Massive Attack:
Yeah, let him feast my heart is big
My heart is big, my blood will slide
You let him feast my heart is big
My heart is big, my blood will slide

Again, for despair, 'I Love You More Than You Love Yourself' by Austra:
The past, how thick it grows
Shakes up what you didn't know

For hope, 'Tonight We Burn Like Stars That Never Die' by Hammock:
Don't cry
The sky is in our eyes
Tonight we burn like stars that never die